Wednesday, September 17, 2008

Let's talk about sex, baby

Now that I is back and my rent has been paid, my life is the slightest bit less topsy-turvy - but not by much.

As if uncertainty and stress weren't good enough reasons for my being missing in action. . .if AT&T isn't fucking me over with their sporadically malfunctioning internet service, my computer is broken; and if my computer isn't broken, it won't charge. Boo, I say - but with an optimistic air. :)

I started this entry on Monday for lack of one of my weekly memes. Wednesday Weirdness looks like tons of fun this week but I don't have much time so I think I'll finish this one instead.

Forever and a day ago, ASM's very own Hubman tagged me in a sex meme I think you'll all enjoy. I'd like to tag Blissfully Wed, Ms. Inconspicuous and Sweat Shop Sissy - and I apologize if any tagees have already filled this out!

This is Isabella’s Sex Meme. Anyone is welcome to steal it but you must post this rules blurb at the beginning of the meme:
1. You must include this link to Sex Talk - Sex Advice for Men.
2. You must answer every question! If you don’t have a good answer, you are strongly encouraged to make up something good; we like to be entertained.
3. You must tag 3 people.

1. Sex in the morning or sex at night? My morning and night are rather subjective but I think what you really want to know is: do I prefer sex right when I wake up or sex right before I hit the hay? Given the ultimatum, I'd definitely take the romantic, slow morning sex that picks up pace until you're ready to kick the day's ass - though I don't get it often enough. :(

2. Better sex music - Sade or Marvin Gaye? I don't listen to either nor can I recall Sade's style; and I don't do the sex music thing often enough to have a favorite anyway.

3. Naughty pics or naughty home videos? I prefer pictures; they're easy to take and remaster at will and share with the masses! Though I have a few candid videos that came out pertty good and I'm planning to make lots more soon.

4. Fabulous sex with: Dr Doug Ross or Dr Greg House? Dr. House hands down - regardless of the fact that I have no idea who Doug Ross is. =X (Edit: Ok, of course I remember George Clooney's character on ER; it's just been so long since I've followed that program that I didn't remember his name. But nonetheless, my answer doesn't change; not much of a Clooney fan.)

5. Vibrator or dildo? Vibrating dildo, of course. I don't find much pleasure just stretching myself out without a bit of good, good, good, good vibrations.

6. Bedroom sex: lights off or lights on? I'm jealous of ASM and Hubman's candles and dimmer! For lack of a better solution on my budget I prefer the lights on; the visual is just as good as the tactile.

7. Word preference: pussy or cunt? Even after watching The Vagina Monologues I still prefer pussy (and cock or dick). Cunt, I think, is a European thing; it kind of makes me cringe.

8. Spanking over the knee or spanking only during sex? I don't think my relationship with J has the dynamics for over-the-knee spanking but I'm perfectly satisfied with our in-sex spank wars. ;) Hehe!

9. More exciting: sex in an elevator or sex in an aeroplane? Elevator! What if it starts moving? Unlike an airplane bathroom, an elevator's doors aren't guaranteed to stayed shut. . .unless we're talking airplane seat sex. Ooh!

10. Ron Jeremy or Peter North? Ron Jeremy - in a platonic way - because he seems like such an awesome guy. I wouldn't mind a little of his tongue action either. ;)

11. Word preference: cock or dick? Cock by the hair on its teeth. Ok, maybe that's a bad time to use that metaphor. . . Hah.

12. Linda Lovelace or Jenna Jameson? Both! At the same time! Oh yes. . . :)

13. Rope bondage or bondage tape? Rope; J prefers it and I don't fancy the sting of tape removal.

14. Give rim job or receive anal sex? I've always been anti both but I'm starting to think I'm ready for 'em; I'll keep you posted as to my preference when I've got more experience under my belt. ;)

15. Get rich stripping in a skanky bar or get rich as a call girl for celebs? I think the skanks would pay me more. My body type isn't exactly appreciated in the celebrity world and I'm a bit of a voyeur anyhow.

16. Which threesome - boy/girl/girl or boy/boy/girl? Either works for me. Why can't there be 4 or 5 people?

17. Flavoured oil or tingling oil? Flavored; it's like chocolate sauce but 10 times the price! My skin is too sensitive for the tingling and warming varieties, sadly.

18. Pearl necklace or swallow? Swallowing is cleaner but I'm happy to receive pearl necklaces and anklets and nipple rings at request. Hehe.

19. Sex while strangers watch or sex with a stranger? I've never had sex with a stranger, per se, but having strangers and friends watch us puts me on cloud nine!

20. Tied to the bed or to a St Andrew’s cross? Tying J to the bed. . . ;)

Friday, September 12, 2008

My missing roommate has turned up. . .

SHE IS HOME.

Thanks for all your concern. I'm gonna go spend some time with her now.

/ser infiel.

Thursday, September 11, 2008

MY ROOMMATE IS MISSING. PLEASE HELP!!!

MY ROOMMATE IS MISSING. PLEASE HELP. THIS IS NOT A JOKE.

You all still get your nudie/porn pic only because I know it'll draw more attention to this issue.

The gorgeous and sweet I that I mention in my blog has now been missing for 7 days. We have reason to believe she has been kidnapped and is in or around Sacramento, California.

Please send me an e-mail if you live in Northern California. I'll respond back promptly with more information about the situation and, if you seem honest and trustworthy, a contact number to keep in touch with me and share updates.

In the meantime, please keep her in your thoughts, prayers and whatever-elses. Please do not spam me with e-mails or phone calls; this is a serious and dire matter and there will be legal recourse if anyone in any way prevents me from finding my friend.

/ser infiel.

Thursday, September 4, 2008

HNT #5 - J's first appearance!

*SPANK IT*

Notice J's hands on my left shoulder. Smack the booty to find what (brand spankin' new) secrets lie beneath those gentle fingers. . . ;)

Check out Amid Life's Crises HNT for more such half-nekkid "secrets"!

HNTbutton

I'd love to stay and chat but I've got a blowjob to attend to! Happy HNT everyone!

/ser infiel.

Wednesday, September 3, 2008

Wednesday Weirdness #19

J's sleeping like a baby and I'm excited just thinking about wrapping my arms around him on our little bed. Tomorrow we rise early for the long day ahead of us - but first. . .

I know it's been a few weeks since I've played Wednesday Weirdness but this one has all the elements I can't resist - money, porn and infidelity theory. Play along with me! :)


1. Someone dares you to eat two cooked bulls testicles for 1,500 dollars. They're fried, topped with nacho cheese, belly button lint, lima beans, sweat rung out from a dirty sock and maple syrup and you have to eat it all. Are you going to eat it for the cash or pass? In the past week I've found - or perhaps exhumed - unpredicted strengths from deep inside myself. Though $1,500 isn't even nearly enough to cover my now past-due rent, I think I could find a testicle/lint/sweat-eating girl somewhere deep down. ;)

2. If you were not getting enough sex in your relationship, how would you handle it? Would you cheat on your significant other? I'm only sexually frustrated when J and I are apart in our respective cities - he in my home town, me in my college town. I'll sometimes masturbate to porn to curb the craving but when he's available I definitely choose phone/webcam sex; his voice and requests get the job done. ;) I've never cheated out of sexual frustration.

3. Would you cheat if you knew you would never be caught? Why or why not? In my mind you're always caught cheating because you catch yourself - cheesy as it sounds. I've never once been caught cheating but that doesn't mean the guilt doesn't eat away at me.

4. If you could get rid of any of the late night talk show hosts and replace them with anyone you want, what late night persona would you get rid of and who would you replace them with? Carson Daly has got to go! He was a bad host on TRL and he's worse on whatever they call his NBC show. I'd replace him with. . . Hm, extra Leno and Conan!

5. If you could get rid of one day time talk show, which one would you pick and why? Dr. Phil is an asshat and an idiot. I'd rather watch another hour of the news than hear any more warped views about psychology coming from his dumbly smirking mouth - because I know not everyone understands what a moron he is.

6. Where is your favorite places on the body to be kissed? Favorite places to kiss? Allow me to jump the gun and say my favorite place, by far, is the clit - if the person knows what they're doing. More PG-13, I love to kiss and be kissed on the mouth, nose and fingers. . .and clit and penis. D'oh!

7. Do you watch porn? How does your significant other feel about that? As a virgin I was absolutely obsessed with porn - the faker, the better. I prefer amateur and fetish porn now for the stronger feel of "reality" but I don't watch much anymore. J, however, has the largest collection of clips I've ever seen and I'll venture to say neither one of us is bothered or threatened by this.

For more great fetish porn check out the many faces of Kink.com. ;)

/ser infiel.